Everyday Dose Of Reality
Ah cell phones, they are everywhere and now they are in my house. Macgyver has had a track phone for the past few years. We had to have something after the house fire and since we were moving around that was the only choice. A few people where we used to live had cell phones and service through Sprint, that was a joke. They were walking around just like the guy on the old commercial, “can ya hear me now”? Our town was at the base of a mountain and I swear Sprint captured a moose and had it walking around up there with wires coming off of it. I’m sure they figured bah, Northern Maine who the hell lives up there.
Jump back to today. Macgyver’s I-phone arrived and he also got one for me as well. I try not to be one of those women that takes something rubbing me the wrong way and chew on it until all the flavor is gone, and stick it in my hair to chew on more later. These phones drive me batty! People driving lopsided, crooked and/or not a single hand remotely near the steering wheel ugh. A woman walking through a store laughing, sending out brain melting hyena barrages or worse yet, yelling at the top of her over inflated lungs. I have seen men in baby isles with a phone glued to the side of their head, and on the other end is some frantic woman explaining where the diapers she buys are on the shelf. No doubt while his eyes are bouncing in his skull like ping pong balls she is turning five shades of red and finally blue. I just can’t stand them. The phones that is, not the people, well except for the ones mentioned above attempting to drive down the road.
I pulled the phone out of the box and even though it looks harmless enough, have you seen the manuals that come with those suckers? In high school I had a kick ass 1974 candy apple red Trans Am. I was the chick that worked on cars. Tricked out with nos, leather, sound effects under the hood with a loud speaker, and the holy grail of rims back in the day Cragar T type rims. Dual exhaust with glass headers, let’s call this the Dolce and Gabbana of exhaust paraphernalia. Even had a Hurst shifter, and I installed a wheel base starting system…keyless, on the steering wheel. In my day I was the BILL GATES of cars within a 80 mile radius. My point being, this new teeny weeny cell phone that arrived today, its manual is almost the same size as the 1974 Pontiac Trans Am manual. Not the owners, but the actual tare the entire car apart and put it all back together type of manual. Which, by the way, I could rebuild my engine in four hours flat. Oh yeah Bill Gates of cars baby, uh is that MY horn, toot toot.
So I pulled this phone out if its box,. Laid the manuals on the table beside the phone and starred into the things one beady little eye, aka screen. I tried to lay down some ground rules, no smoking, no flames and should I try to use it don’t give me any of that “no signal” junk, normal stuff electrical items do around me. The thing blinked its eye at me. I’m not sure if it was an, “OK I wont give you any problems” blink. I am hoping it wasn’t a, “you funny little woman! Fasten your seat-belt it’s gonna be a bumpy ride” blink. Either way it is on the kitchen counter attempting to charge, but rest assured I’m giving it the eyeball action. It better watch out, although the 74 Trans Am is long gone, I do have a 4500 pound mean forest green GMC Suburban that LOOOOVES to run things over. Toot Toot!