Everyday dose of Reality
The man-child last night tried to lead all his sisters in a Mayan revolt. What is it with this kid? All year-long he uses a normal calendar and then there was last night. I realize patience is completely lost on children, hell I was one once upon a time. All the Christmas shopping has been done for a while and the gifts have been wrapped. They are also hidden away in cabinets far out of kitty cat claws. Being a first time cat owner and jumping right into things, as I always do, I own 2 cats. I have asked questions to friends along the way and they had warned me of cat claws and presents. They did however neglect to mention the intense ping-pong sets that would take place with round ornaments.
Last night perched on the couch the man-child announce the end of the world was coming. At school they read the newspaper and pick an article to draft a summary of how they feel about what they read. My son, of course, reads the news article about the Mayans predicting the end of the world. Which by the way in case you are unaware is tomorrow. The child plead his case. That is what he does before a long-winded and normally heated debate that does end with the firm thought in his head, his father and I know nothing since we are some form of alien from a distant planet. He went on about how accurate their predictions have been, how the end of the world is near and how we should take heed. I fought back with their calendar is different from ours and on December 22nd their new year started. I was huffed and puffed at, you would have thought I was a pig sitting in a twig house. Being 12 is rough don’t you know, nobody understands you or takes you seriously. I’m sure it isn’t because he sometimes acts like he is Batman and then a moment later wants to know if I will sit down and have coffee with him.
I tend to handle things differently than Macgyver when it comes to our man-child. something about my son brings out the inner 12-year-old in Macgyver when a debate starts. Oh sure he brings up points that only most adults know but he is only a split second from the sticking your tongue out action when he says, “will you tell this boy I am right”. I try to have a conversation with the boy. Try to explain the full story and expand on the tiny narrow view he has on a subject. This doesn’t always work and the urge to hold him down and give him a wet willy can get pretty intense.
The debate went on and on. “Mom you guys should let us open our gifts now. The world is ending in 2 days! How bad are you going to feel when you have been told by such smart people as the Mayans the world will end on a specific day and you ignore them? I can only imagine how bad you will feel knowing you should have given us our presents and celebrated Christmas early. The guilt will eat you alive mom, can you really handle that. I am begging you, save my Christmas, this last holiday we will have as a family. Think of the girls mom”. Little sets of eyeballs rolled and looked at me pleading, but 1 smallish person looked like she was going to pull out a pitchfork and go old school on me, just like the Frankenstein incident. OK Scooter listen up, if they were so brilliant at predictions don’t you think they would have been tipped off that their whole race would simply vanish? Here is another thing, I won’t feel guilty because if the world is ending and I am dead I don’t have to worry about presents. Sorry guys but I am going to sit on these presents until Christmas morning and just imagine how much more you will appreciate them once you have survived the end of the world.” With that, the 3 little people decided to go to bed as the man-child sat there with the look of defeat on his face. When he opened his mouth to debate more I simply said, “if I am dyeing then no need to bake all those treats, fudges or even a holiday dinner, woot we can skip it all this year”. I cheer in excitement. Then he started backpedaling, poor thing. In my head I heard, WET WILLY!!!!!