Everyday dose of Reality
Time marches on and all over my face leaving the evidence behind. A few years back a doctor told me that every night when you lay down, your body cleans itself. Now I don’t know if this is like every other doctor and their arsenal of wives tales that I have fallen for over the years. I would really like to know who these “wives” are because they need to be smacked. I think the biggest one spread for us ladies is, “if you breastfeed your breasts will be firmer and you will lose weight quicker”. Firmer? Really, are we talking more solid than water? Lose weight quicker, yeah. It didn’t make sense to me at the time with the whole milk production supply in demand thing. Math is not my strong suit but even I know 2 + 2 = 4 and I had 7 kids I breastfeed for 9 months each and even with having child after child with little spacing, I was nowhere near my target weight after the 11 years growing and feeding humans took me.
Back to the spine cleaning your body every night while you sleep thing. I guess it could be possible right? It could also be possible that in another lifetime I was an alien and could explain why in this life, when talking to my children they give me the look as if I were an alien with blinking neon lights hanging off my antlers while I speak some non inner spacial language. Needless to say I indulged the doctor by simply listening. He said that while you sleep the fluid in your spine cleans the toxins out of your body each night and in turn they show up in your urine.
I think there may be some type of road block on the right side of my face happening every night. We are talking about barracads with those orange lights and a detour sign. I wake up in the morning looking like Ali on the right side of my face. It is puffy but does go down after I am up for about 20 minutes. There has to be a road block right? I do sleep on my right side but I can’t imagine that my head is soooooooooooooooooo heavy nothing can get through. I always have a lot on my mind but I am not seeing the numbers on the scale changing due to the weight of it. I am just going to chalk it up to age.
There have been several things I have noticed just over the past year. GAS! And, I’m not talking about the price hike either. Something has happened over the last year or some little sleep fairies set up a nuclear plant in my body some where. I woke up the other morning to the dogs bouncing off the bed needing to go outside. Threw on my slippers and trudged out into the darkness. I did forget to put a coat or robe on and once I opened the door to 22 below zero weather I woke the hell up fast. At any rate, there was so much gas bubbling in my stomach it sounded like two grizzlies fighting over a salmon.
I took a step back and looked down. It sort of startled me for a second. Then there was another huge growl, with echoing. So loud, Orthos and Buck ran back to the door to check on me. The boys just stood there staring at my stomach with their heads cocked to the side. Sometimes it sounds like glaciers moving. I am not eating anything freaky like whole live bears or icebergs. I am just going to add this to the list of strange things that happen as you get older. I have to say though, this list is starting to look pretty odd. Almost as if I am morphing into something new and by the content of the list … it is not going to be a quiet little old lady. Maybe I am really an alien and I am going back to my roots. Hope I’m that big bad mother alien from the movie “alien”. That would at least explain the sounds coming from my body 🙂