Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Adventures of Orthos’ Category


Adventures of Orthos

The new chick on the block is not a chick, she’s a dog and we don’t live on a block.  We actually live out in the country, woods or better known as the sticks.  Ok, anyway, the new female dog that came to live with us, her name was Jett.  What kind of name is Jett for a dog?  I have heard the kids I live with talk about a Jett before, and they pointed up in the sky.  The new dog does not live in the sky, she lives here with me in the house.  Well, and the cats who by the way have been helping to bring this little girl out of her shell.  Or should that be fur?  Back to Jett.  Her name is now Jez.  Mom gave her a new name to go with her new life, at least that’s the way she put it to me when she told me not to eat her.  Why does everyone think I’m going to eat her?

Jez is my age and I have to say she is teeny-weeny for a 3 year old.  Now, I have never seen another dog like me, I think mom calls it the German Shepherd breed.  I have no clue what this “breed” means or is.  Anyway, she does not look like me, HA HA HA, no sir-E.  When we stand next to each other it looks like a bull next to a lamb.  And can I just say, for the first 3 or 4 days she was a timid little thing.  The very first day she was here and stayed, that girl tried to bite me. I don’t know who she thought she was messing with but my mom has taught me manners and this chick needed to learn some.  I’m sure she used to run her old house, but this is my place.  I am accountable for every thing and living person or creature who lives here!  I told her that if she is staying here and running with me, she is going to be running (cause mom has a LOT of kids)and working.  She gave me attitude!  She gave Mr. Tom attitude!  And we put her in her place!!  After a few days I started her training and when she is wrong, I headbutt her.  Jez gets raight back on track and follows.  I know it is going to take some time for her to get it and fall in line with our job, but we have to start somewhere.  She is smart and learns quick, just still a little shy.  Each day she gets better and more outgoing, which is what she needs to be around here.

She is pretty, but she came with this cage. I have only seen birds in cages.

She is pretty, but she came with this cage. I have only seen birds in cages.

Look at that goofball face. I told her we are protection dogs, we are babysitters for the kids and farm animal protectors. How the heck is she gonna do that from a bird cage? Needless to say from the moment her cage was set up, she has not been in it. Dad needs to take it down now.

Look at that goofball face. I told her we are protection dogs, we are babysitters for the kids and farm animal protectors. How the heck is she gonna do that from a bird-cage? Needless to say from the moment her cage was set up, she has not been in it. Dad needs to take it down now.

Jez has been here for a week now and she only has a few flaws that I have found so far, other than that, she is moldable.  She loves water, loves to swim, but her choice of what water leaves a lot to be desired.  Mom took us on a walk down to the lake and Jez jumped off into the marsh.  The stinky, swampy, gross marsh and then she rolled around in it splashing! I barked at her once and walked back to the house growling about how she was going to get my house all smelly.  She came  in the backyard with leaves and twig stuck to her back, girl has no shame when it comes to water.  And holy cats (no offense Mr. Tom & LuLu) she smelled to high doggy heaven!  Now when she goes to the lake, if she marsh jumps, she swims in open water before she is done so she doesn’t smell as bad.  See she is teachable 🙂

Yesterday mom and dad were tired of walking Jez on her leash to go to the bathroom and were hoping it has been long enough to try to train her without the leash.  The goal is for her to stay in the yard, not like we don’t have more than enough yard or woods to run in you know.  Jez did well, but dad made me stay inside while he trained her.  Once again, worried I’ll eat her.  I bet she is gamey tasting, cause she is smaller and bony.  When she first came the lady that brought her said “she doesn’t eat much”, boy was that lady WRONG.  Turns out Jez doesn’t just nibble, this girl will eat the entire bowl of food and the flooring.  I have high hopes she will fill out like me.  Jez will work out just fine here with me, and she thinks I’m sexy, which is always a good thing.  This morning mom and dad took us out together in the backyard for a run.  Boy she sure can run!  Not as fast as me, but it is nice to have a friend to play with and RUN!!!!

Me and dad.

Me and dad.

Jez on the left, look how small she is compared to me HA HA HA

Jez on the left, look how small she is compared to me HA HA HA

100_3981 100_3980

Running freeeeeeee

Running freeeeeeee

100_3978 100_3977 100_3976

Someone said smore's right?

Someone said smore’s right?

Time to get my smore on, bring out the kids!

Time to get my smore on, bring out the kids!

Now that Jez has loosened up, time to teach her how to partol the yard & woods.  She is doing pretty good in the house with it, but we have a lot of yard to check.

Now that Jez has loosened up, time to teach her how to patrol the yard & woods. She is doing pretty good in the house with it, but we have a lot of yard to check.

 

Read Full Post »

A new friend??


Orthos may have a new friend

As many of you may know, I recently had a loss in my family, and I have been very sad.  Today, Dad looked at me and told me that all my crying was not becoming of a “big bad Shepherd”, and he went on his computer thingy and found this foxy lady above! He talked to her Mom, and I may be going on a date tomorrow with this gorgeous lady!! (The furry one folks, not the 2 legged one). Anyhow, I have never dated before, so I am wondering if bringing her a bone on our first date is appropriate or sends the wrong signals? Oh well, I will keep you all updated. Wish me luck on my date tomorrow – if I am lucky, maybe I can bring her home with me!!

Read Full Post »


Adventures of Orthos

The other day my mom and dad had some friends over for a cookout, that is what they called it anyway.  Dad wheeled this big silver thing from the back patio to the front yard, because it is closer to the kitchen.  I love the kitchen, all the yummy stuff is kept there like all my Orthos treats.

grill

This is the big silver thing dad drug to the front yard.  It has a HUGE mouth on it!  Also, the thing crackles and sizzles, but doesn’t smell too bad.  OK so I was drooling.  Here’s the thing though … dad opened its mouth and there was this meat inside of it.  I ran around the yard looking for Buck.  The way I figure it is the meat had to come from somewhere, right?  After I found Buck, I counted all the kids and none were missing.  All the ducks were accounted for as well as mom.  If you notice, this thing has legs and wheels.  I’m guessing that big silver sucker can move pretty darn fast if it was hungry.  It is still in the front yard and near the door my parents take me outside to do my business.  They open the door and I stop to eyeball its closed mouth, it appears to be sleeping.  I just know that when it wakes back up, it’s going to be super hungry.  Granted I am a fierce, big but oh so handsome puppy boy, I am not about to be its next snack.  So, I creep around it.  Sniff the ground a few feet away, and nothing.  It just sits there.  That’s right, the thing is messing with my mind with its evil games.

This morning my dad took me out the front door and there was the silver thing, just standing there.  I should also tell you that about four feet away from it is our dog kennel.  Yeah, we have one of those fenced things too, thanks to BUCK!!!  All brawn and not a single pea sized spec of a brain I tell you.  So, out the door I went and backed myself up to the kennel, more to brace or fend off the silver thing should it attack.  I slinked along the fencing, sniffing the ground near its legs.  Had my butt up in the air and nose to the ground and then dad jumped to scare me.  I about jumped out of my fur coat!  Now I should tell you that since I am such a very handsome puppy boy, I am also very attached to my fur coat.  I almost knocked the entire kennel over and I took off across the yard, I just knew the silver thing was trying to eat me.  So if you drive by my house and see the silver thing smoking and my tail hanging out the side, please stop and help me cause my fur will singe right off.  You wouldn’t want me walking around smelling like BBQ sauce with singed hair would you?

Mr. Tom the firece hunter my tail!

Read Full Post »


Adventures of Orthos

There is a shrew at large in our living room.  You would think the two cats my mum has would take care of the situation, and having a shrew in the living room ,where two cats live…is a SITUATION!  It started out by the vacuum cleaner and I’ll give a paw up where it is due.  Mr. Tom narrowed down where the thing was hiding, BUT he did nothing about it.  It was me that had to push the kids chairs out of the way, the ladder and finally mum moved the vacuum for me.  Miss LuLu sat there like a statue and watched it run pass her.  This Mr. Tom, fierce survivalist “I have lived out in the wild almost all my life” allowed that shrew to run across his paws!  Can you believe that?

Mr. Tom the firece hunter my tail!

Mr. Tom the firece hunter my tail!

My mum yelled at me when I grabbed LuLu and threw her at the shrew.  Folks, what else is a dog to do?  If you’re wondering is my side kick Buck was at my side, the answer is no.  His lazy mixed breed butt was snuggled up in bed with my dad.  I am a protection dog.  I pride myself on making sure my family is safe.  I swear I am living with Scooby-doo times 3!  These 3 are not even remotely interested in helping me with security detail.  Not in the least.

Now I have to keep circling the couch until everyone wakes up and mum will move it for me.  I know I’ll get into trouble for rearranging the furniture.  I will circle the couch and since I have the cats trapped under the tree, I’ll circle back by them too and give them my “I dare you to come out” look.

 

Totally disgusted with the cats


Totally disgusted with the cats

100_3285

Look at miss LuLu cowering behind the tree. If she comes out, I’m throwing her at the couch to get that shrew!

This is war!!!  The only things the other animals are interested in securing are Mr. Tom whines about food, Miss LuLu secures her sleep & Buck, well he is only into securing his next snuggle hostage.  I say hostage because he will pin a person down to love them to death.  They are untrain-able animals, I have no use for them.

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!  I know who would love to help me and do major shrew damage.  Minnie the duck and her gang of chickens.

*Note to self – when mum and I go out to feed the chickens and ducks I will free them, and bring them in the house.  FREEEEEEEDOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

Read Full Post »


Adventures of Orthos

Another alien has landed in the house, now there are two!  Turns out that alien the family calls Miss LuLu Bugginsworth, is a funny little thing.  My mom and dad bought her this playground contraption and for the first week it collected dust.

Isn’t it nice? It is sooo-ooo soft too but way to small for me. I know if I tried to climb it I would crush the bugger.

I could never fit my big ole butt into those tiny alien houses. Not totally sure what the top 3 platforms are for other than to put alien worship statues on, who knows. Any way there are these 2 white fluffy mice hanging from stings to play with. If it were mine I would have my mom ditch the mice and hang bacon. Uh, bacon is so good.

This is the alien LuLu and as you can see she is laying on top of a ladder. Not on the alien playground thingy-ma-bob that has no bacon, so I can’t really blame her.

Yep there she is perched on top of a 12 foot ladder. There is no hope for bacon up there, just saying.

Now, about 5 days ago alien LuLu started using the playground completely out of the blue.  I think it has to do with this dude below, another alien my family calls Tom.

He also has a bedroom in the gym and it is next to LuLu. I don’t think she likes him much. There is a lot of hissing and some pretty scary growling coming from her when alien Tom walks by her.

Mom said something about, “be nice to Tom he has been living in the woods for a year. He’s just a baby Orthos so be nice and mind your manners”.  Even though she has a pack of kids, clearly this woman has no concept of what a baby is.  She calls me puppy still after 2 years.  Something about when she calls me puppy though, I come running like a drooling floppy eared ginormous bunny.  Then she said something to the kids about when Tom was just little someone ran over his tail with a car and that is why there is a ball on the end. It healed all knotted up. OK, so uh, question for you folks. Why is nobody else totally freaked out aliens live all over in our woods and…ran over his tail with a car? IN THE WOODS?!?!

Mom says alien Tom is neutered.  Well duh mom. He is nu-ter-all-of-us, not just you.  She also mentioned to dad that he needs to make an appointment to have alien LuLu spayed.  I am so never going to the dog doctor.  If he is turning alien LuLu into a garden tool who knows what he would turn me into and I’m not going to find out!

 

 

 

 

Read Full Post »

HIDE US


Adventures of Orthos

All these dang kids in this house and not one of them helped hide us from Mom and Dad.  I think that Buck and I are pretty good boys.  Well, I am much better than Buck is and that is a given, but overall we are pretty darn good.  This morning we woke mom up to take us outside.  Buck was doing his cross leg hop thing trying to hold it in.  Always a sure sign someone needs to be moved to the door to let us out.  Sure, I can open the doors to let us out but then I would get into trouble.  Although, the other day when mom got locked out she was thrilled I opened the doors from the inside to let her in.

Any way, we woke mom up at around 5:10 in the morning.  I know what time it was because she kept saying, “Boys! It is 5:10 in the morning couldn’t you have just waited for the alarm at 5:30”?  We pushed her to the door and out we went.  At this point, I should tell you us boys, are very protective of our yard.  In the darkness we saw something moving and it wasn’t a bear or my girlfriend the wolf from across the street.  It was this black furry thing with a white racing stripe down it’s back.  Racing stripes means race doesn’t it?  So we chased it down in the front yard.  I sniffed it and the thing hissed at me and flipped it’s tail up.  Buck took that as an invitation.  I have told you before he is not the sharpest tool in the shed.  He is more like the rusted old rake out in the tall weeds way behind the shed, if we had a shed.  Buck waggled his tail and gave it a good ole fashioned dog’s welcome.  That boy buried his head and sniffer so far up it’s behind, I swear he was counting it’s ribs.  Then there was this nasty mist in the air from it’s behind.  I have heard the kids talk about fire and this burned so I did what the kids have always said.  I dropped and rolled and rolled.  Buck started sneezing and mom was yelling for us to come back.

She put us in the back foyer at 5:16 in the morning, thanks to BUCK!  I didn’t smell that bad but he was making me gag.  We had to sit in there until the sun finally came up.  Next dad came to get us one by one at 7 in the morning.  I was first.  To the front yard I went where mom was waiting with plastic bags on her hands.  Do you know what she uses those bags for?  She puts food in them and puts it in the freezer.  I thought the woman was going to bag me & freeze me!  I was close.  They pulled out the hose and that water was ffffffreezing cold.  They washed us, used some recipe mom found and dried us.  We smell normal now but it was humiliating.  Beat by a skunk, washed in the front yard, like common dogs I tell ya.  All of it is Buck’s fault I’ll have you know.  I am a pupcicle because brainless Buck wanted to meet the new neighbor.  *skunk belch – I should introduce him to my girlfriend she is always up for a tasty snack!

Hiding in mom’s office trying to dry off.

Read Full Post »


Adventures of Orthos

I swear there IS an alien in the pantry!  Mom and her family went away for two days.  Can you imagine two whole days without your mom?  I almost died.  No really.  And, I cried like a big old baby the whole time.  In fact, I cried so much, I never ate or drank anything.  I laid at the front door in the throws of a tantrum and crying fit.  I know I looked like the dog version of that one lady mom watch’s, Scarlet O’Hara.  Finally, she came home.  Just in time too, because one more moment and I would have died.  Really!

That night I sensed something.  My nose picked up a scent.  My ears twitched.  I followed my nose to the pantry door.  There was something in there.  Next thing I know, people are going in and out of the pantry and NOT letting me in.  What is wrong with these people?!  Danger lurks everywhere!  How can I protect them if they won’t let me go with them.  Sure I could have opened the door, and when I touched the door to open it, they told me NO.  Well, that night strange noises were coming from the pantry and I guarded it all night.  Early in the morning I heard scratching at the door.  I ran to get mom, do you know she snores sometimes?  No luck with mom or dad, so, I ran to wake up the smallest person in the house.  Her name is Nina but we all call her Minnie.  I told Buck there was something amiss with the pantry and he rushed into Minnie’s room and licked her awake.  I will admit Buck has few uses but he is the world’s best licker.  Minnie started coming to and I howled, yipped and barked at her.  She sat up in bed and her hair was standing up all over.

I ran to the kitchen, passing the pantry there was yowling and scratching.  Do you know how hard it is for me to open a kitchen drawer?  I knew what I needed and what I had to do.  In the…one, two, yeah, second drawer next to the stove is aluminum foil.  I once saw on a movie with mom that an aluminum foil hat would keep aliens from sucking your brain out.  I NEED A HAT!!!  They had already gotten to Minnie, I could tell by her hair.  And, and, there was an alien trapped in the pantry!  Nobody seemed to care once they were all up.  Can you believe these people?  Went about their day like everything was normal, and kept going into the pantry.  I just want it noted if they get their brains sucked out, it is not my fault.

Yesterday mom and dad took me into the pantry.  I never did get my foil hat!  Mom called me in the room and shut the door.  There was hissing, and screeching and then I saw this fur ball.  I tried to get a good look at the thing but all my brain kept yelling was, “don’t look into it’s eyes”!  It was small and mad as a hatter.  I sniffed it and tried to lick it and it STUNG ME!  On the nose, twice.  After a little while I laid down and gave it the Orthos stare, with my eyes squinted so it couldn’t suck my brain out.  The hair on it’s back laid down and it stopped hissing at me.  I don’t know what it is, but mom took some pictures.  I have made contact and as far as I am concerned I have concrete proof aliens have landed.  By the way, mom & dad call it LuLu.  So, if you see a LuLu contact your local alien retrieval team.

This has to be the LuLu alien spaceship.

See those beady eyes, they will suck your brain out!

O – M – G! The thing can walk on 2 legs!

 

 

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »