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Archive for the ‘The Junk Drawer’ Category


Junk Drawer

There are days when I wish I had more brain power, today would be one of those days.  My head is filled with the fog of a winter cold which makes any idea or in depth though tough.  I am trying to write a business plan from an outline I laid out.  Normally doing such a thing is a huge pain in the butt, with the added foggy head, I am pulling words out of my brain as if I was a dentist pulling teeth with tweezers.

Another thing, business plans almost always, financially look bleak and dismal.  By the time you have this great idea, get hyped, make contacts for clients, then you have to write it all out.  Nothing like sucking the wind out of your sails.  I just have to keep in mind it will not always sucketh, just the first year you get gut punched.  This is so not easy for a person like me to swallow.  I’m a: do it now, let’s go go go go we can do this, type of gal.  Yet the business I am entering is a gut punch you the first few months and wait for your product for almost a year.  So I must spend my time getting everything streamlined and down to a science, bulk my client list so when the time comes and the product arrives I can run like a Globe Trotter!

Alas to get from here to there, a business plan must be written for presentation to have financial baking secured.  Time for more coffee, tissue and Mucinex and get this party started.

 

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Junk Drawer

That title struck fear in your heart didn’t it, “Shopping with Kids”.  Shopping with kids is similar to a combination of events such as running bulls through a china shop, Ostrich racing and taking a herd of goats to a golf coarse and keeping them from eating it.  Some of you are thinking, “UH WHY?  Why would she do that?”  Honestly I have no choice.  I could have swore at the hospital for each of the kids, I heard the doctor tell Macgyver to cut the umbilical cord.  Let me tell you he cut that cord about as well as he trims hair.  Yes I have had Macgyver trim my hair before.  It is a whole other story that you don’t have the time for nor do I have the chilled wine to endure the telling of.

We went to Joanne Fabrics about two weeks ago.  OK, we went to H & R block to have our taxes done and while we were trapped in the town waiting, I wandered.  There was a strip mall in the same area as the tax place, so why not I figured.

Once in the store the bright colors and sparkly things imprison the children’s attention.  I turned my back for 3 seconds, I know I shouldn’t have and this is what I saw.

The man child is rifling through a rack behind a set of crazy bunnies

This one really thinks she is a flower, except for the fact she chose a snap dragon and kept trying to bite one of her sisters.

And because things weren't stressful enough, let's just toss in some shiny EGGS!

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Junk Drawer

 

Ah you have to love a good nursery rhyme.  Our Six year old came home from school yesterday singing an old nursery rhyme she had learned in kindergarten class.  The good ole, “don’t step on a crack or you’ll break your momma’s back.”  She was hoping and skipping in the hallway.  Once she skipped her way into the kitchen where I was standing, Sierra continued.  As she hopped I watched her and then she stopped and said real quiet like, “oops!”

So…as she turned around to look at me, I dropped like a fly!

A new pair of shoes, $17.00

A box of colorful chalk for hopscotch, $2.00

The look on Sierra’s face when she landed on a crack and I dropped like a rock, PRICELESS!

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The Junk Drawer

 

Some of you may have never seen a truly desperate man, others I am sure have seen plenty.  Macgyver normally is not what I would call desperate, more of extraordinarily inventive.  However, I will let you make the call.

This bathroom reno is on hold, but that doesn't stop Macgyver. This is how I found him a bit ago. The man has the tub up off the floor and temp plumbing set up over a drain to take his Jacuzzi tub for a test drive. Desperate or Inventive?

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Sex Life


Junk Drawer

If you had to describe your current sex life with a movie title what would it be?  Come on don’t be shy, I’ll even go first.  Considering all the kids Macgyver and I have and one home with us everyday driving us nuts, I will have to go with….

Hide and Seek or While you were Sleeping :-o)

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Junk Drawer

Yes, I know the title is strange, the anatomy of a fart, but I live with a bunch of children.  What, you expected a review of the latest issue of Newsweek?  After my weekend long mathematics test with Macgyver, which I failed miserably I might add, I ran to the kitchen for solace.  The new heating system, specs, mathematics, schematics, and decisions are not my job.  Now, if you want to talk chocolate, baked goods or turkey, I’m your gal!  I hid out in the kitchen baking a golden brown, garlic, rosemary and thyme turkey.  Yeah drool!  The smell wafted through the house, instantly making our stomachs grumble.  Well except Macgyver who sat at the table with his pad of paper talking to himself.

I know there is that chemical in turkey which makes you tired after eating it and boy I was whipped.  The kids and I turned on a movie and completely took over one entire couch.  Nina aka Minnie Mouse was snuggled up to me under the blankets.  While everyone silently watched Mars needs more Moms, the 3 year old started explaining the anatomy of a fart to me.  Her theory is farts are just happy bubbles.  They live in your stomach because that is a safe place for them.  Boy is she ever right!  There is nothing safe or happy about a fart one of the dogs lets rip.  OK, so why are farts happy?  Well she says the air trapped in a fart, are just unused giggles and that is why the farts are happy bubble.  All of that rolling and bouncing around it does in your stomach is because it is happy trapped giggles.  I didn’t have the heart to tell her some gas is almost demonic paralyzing pain until it escapes from one end or the other.

Did you also know that farts are flat once they come out?  Neither did I don’t feel bad.  The child went on to tell me a loose fart had to be flat.  Really are you ready for the reasoning behind this HA HA HA.  Here we go then…when the fart comes out your body pushes all the air to one part of the bubble and the pressure pops the bubble on the way out of your body.  After listening to her I just had to ask the obvious question.  If farts are just happy bubbles why are they so mean, and angry once they are free from our body and smell so bad?

And just like the famous songs states, as did our 3 year old…The answers are blowing in the wind.

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Junk Drawer

 

At what point is did my body become a fire hose?  I love my kids, but this sharing EVERY thing can stop any time now.  How long can an adult survive on Sierra Mist with ice?  We will see.

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The Junk Drawer

 

One of the owls that lives on our property has taken up guarding the chickens and Mickey our duck.  It has actually picked a perfect tree and spot.  At the edge of the woods about 30 feet from the chicken coop is a tall birch.  The perfect spot to watch the massive shrew traffic circling the coop and the old hay/feed pile.  Really too bad it isn’t a bit bigger maybe it could carry off the fox that comes once in a while.

Last night after coming home from some errands, we pulled in the backyard to get the last of the chicken eggs for the day.  Up in the tree, turning its head from side to side was this beautiful owl.  Macgyver tried to get a picture of it with his iphone.  Damn phone, every time I touch the thing all the icons jiggle, pfft.  After he stopped the bouncing icons he was able to snap a couple of pictures before the kids went nuclear.

“I can’t see”!

“What is out there”?

“Mom is someone out there”?

“Who is it”?

“That isn’t an owl, who is that, what is that.  Hey!  There is an owl”!!

“Where is an owl”?

“I can’t see around Amethysts fat head”.

“Who you calling a fat head… doodie head”?

“Mom what is doodie”?

“Can I get out and pet the owl”?

“NO!  It will eat you”!

“Dad, Nina thinks the owl will eat Amethyst.  Can we leave all the little people out there and see if the owl will eat any of them”?

“What is with this phone?  Can you make this stop shaking”?

“I HATE cellphones gawwwwwww”.

*I might have even stuck my tongue out at the iphone just to show it who is the boss.

“Honey!  Just give me the damn phone. No we aren’t leaving the little people out here, now shhh let me get a picture”.

 

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Junk Drawer

That is right local and for sale, a goodie from the old north school folks.  For those of you that live near me I wanted to let you know I am selling a piece of equipment from the house here.  This would be a great item for a church or restaurant.  Basically anyplace that is cooking for a large group of people.  I have a Groen electric 30 gallon tilting skillet braising pan for sale.  Today I placed an ad in the local Manny Shopper paper that will be coming out on the 8th of this month.  So if you know of somebody locally that would be interested give me a yell or contact number will be listed with the ad.  This is a 240v hook up, excellent condition and I am asking for $2500 or best offer.  All proceeds will be going into my fencing fund.

Minus the wood trim to the right and ladybug wings under

Also I don’t know if anyone has noticed my fencing fund has grown sort of.  The money went down, but now I have listed off to the right side in the fund box, the number of posts purchased.  Don’t mean to toot my own horn, but I made it through Christmas presents with the kids and still saved money to buy posts and leave a little in the fund. TOOT TOOT TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

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Mega Egg


Junk Drawer

 

The other day I went out to Hotel Nestington to take care of the ladies, and I found a huge surprise.  Sable, our black chicken is a pretty big girl and her eggs reflect that.  This egg however was in a nest with one of Gloria’s.  Instantly the two cords that make up the Jaws theme song popped into my head.  Peggy’s chickens may be laying a couple dozen eggs a day, but my ladies are laying eggs triple the normal size.

Although, sometimes, like yesterday, they get in a bit of a hurry.  Flame laid her egg up on the roost and forgot the egg shell.  As I was scooping out the frozen pooh I had to scrap up a loose partial frozen egg as well.  Flame might be an eager layer and needs to slow down to make the shell before she sends the egg out.  But, hey at least she is trying, right?

Mega egg on right, compared to one of Peggy's girls eggs

 

Sable means business when she lays an egg, too bad we can't close the carton.

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