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Posts Tagged ‘humor’


Everyday dose of Reality

There are times that you have to dare to be different or in my case wake my family up when they raid the fridge.  I went to bake something the other day and my eggs were all gone, so I took matters into my own hands.  Funny how a Sharpie marker can change a person’s life and egg count.

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Everyday dose of Reality

Sometimes the things you see as a parent are strange and scary.  We have a boat load of kids so rest assured I have seen more nakedness than any strip club in the world.  There are times that not only what children say makes you shake your head, but what you see forces you to do a double take.  The other day I was standing out in the kitchen doing dishes and walked out into the dining room to get a forgotten cup on the table.  Amethyst, our deranged fairy came into the living room playing with her remote control car.

The deranged fairy loves her remote control car and plays with it a lot. Once again I had a "moment".  I never thought to question the contents of the car and after all these years, I should have.

The deranged fairy loves her remote control car and plays with it a lot. Once again I had a “moment”. I never thought to question the contents of the car and after all these years, I should have.

Look real close at the car.  Can you see what doesn't belong?

Look real close at the car. Can you see what doesn’t belong?

Yeah, it's not every day you see a toad drive by in a neon pink & yellow car in a living room is it? I can only hope our daughter will get to expeirence the joy of toads driving in her house one day :)

Yeah, it’s not every day you see a toad drive by in a neon pink & yellow car in a living room is it? I can only hope our daughter will get to expeirence the joy of toads driving in her house one day 🙂

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Adventures of Orthos

The new chick on the block is not a chick, she’s a dog and we don’t live on a block.  We actually live out in the country, woods or better known as the sticks.  Ok, anyway, the new female dog that came to live with us, her name was Jett.  What kind of name is Jett for a dog?  I have heard the kids I live with talk about a Jett before, and they pointed up in the sky.  The new dog does not live in the sky, she lives here with me in the house.  Well, and the cats who by the way have been helping to bring this little girl out of her shell.  Or should that be fur?  Back to Jett.  Her name is now Jez.  Mom gave her a new name to go with her new life, at least that’s the way she put it to me when she told me not to eat her.  Why does everyone think I’m going to eat her?

Jez is my age and I have to say she is teeny-weeny for a 3 year old.  Now, I have never seen another dog like me, I think mom calls it the German Shepherd breed.  I have no clue what this “breed” means or is.  Anyway, she does not look like me, HA HA HA, no sir-E.  When we stand next to each other it looks like a bull next to a lamb.  And can I just say, for the first 3 or 4 days she was a timid little thing.  The very first day she was here and stayed, that girl tried to bite me. I don’t know who she thought she was messing with but my mom has taught me manners and this chick needed to learn some.  I’m sure she used to run her old house, but this is my place.  I am accountable for every thing and living person or creature who lives here!  I told her that if she is staying here and running with me, she is going to be running (cause mom has a LOT of kids)and working.  She gave me attitude!  She gave Mr. Tom attitude!  And we put her in her place!!  After a few days I started her training and when she is wrong, I headbutt her.  Jez gets raight back on track and follows.  I know it is going to take some time for her to get it and fall in line with our job, but we have to start somewhere.  She is smart and learns quick, just still a little shy.  Each day she gets better and more outgoing, which is what she needs to be around here.

She is pretty, but she came with this cage. I have only seen birds in cages.

She is pretty, but she came with this cage. I have only seen birds in cages.

Look at that goofball face. I told her we are protection dogs, we are babysitters for the kids and farm animal protectors. How the heck is she gonna do that from a bird cage? Needless to say from the moment her cage was set up, she has not been in it. Dad needs to take it down now.

Look at that goofball face. I told her we are protection dogs, we are babysitters for the kids and farm animal protectors. How the heck is she gonna do that from a bird-cage? Needless to say from the moment her cage was set up, she has not been in it. Dad needs to take it down now.

Jez has been here for a week now and she only has a few flaws that I have found so far, other than that, she is moldable.  She loves water, loves to swim, but her choice of what water leaves a lot to be desired.  Mom took us on a walk down to the lake and Jez jumped off into the marsh.  The stinky, swampy, gross marsh and then she rolled around in it splashing! I barked at her once and walked back to the house growling about how she was going to get my house all smelly.  She came  in the backyard with leaves and twig stuck to her back, girl has no shame when it comes to water.  And holy cats (no offense Mr. Tom & LuLu) she smelled to high doggy heaven!  Now when she goes to the lake, if she marsh jumps, she swims in open water before she is done so she doesn’t smell as bad.  See she is teachable 🙂

Yesterday mom and dad were tired of walking Jez on her leash to go to the bathroom and were hoping it has been long enough to try to train her without the leash.  The goal is for her to stay in the yard, not like we don’t have more than enough yard or woods to run in you know.  Jez did well, but dad made me stay inside while he trained her.  Once again, worried I’ll eat her.  I bet she is gamey tasting, cause she is smaller and bony.  When she first came the lady that brought her said “she doesn’t eat much”, boy was that lady WRONG.  Turns out Jez doesn’t just nibble, this girl will eat the entire bowl of food and the flooring.  I have high hopes she will fill out like me.  Jez will work out just fine here with me, and she thinks I’m sexy, which is always a good thing.  This morning mom and dad took us out together in the backyard for a run.  Boy she sure can run!  Not as fast as me, but it is nice to have a friend to play with and RUN!!!!

Me and dad.

Me and dad.

Jez on the left, look how small she is compared to me HA HA HA

Jez on the left, look how small she is compared to me HA HA HA

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Running freeeeeeee

Running freeeeeeee

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Someone said smore's right?

Someone said smore’s right?

Time to get my smore on, bring out the kids!

Time to get my smore on, bring out the kids!

Now that Jez has loosened up, time to teach her how to partol the yard & woods.  She is doing pretty good in the house with it, but we have a lot of yard to check.

Now that Jez has loosened up, time to teach her how to patrol the yard & woods. She is doing pretty good in the house with it, but we have a lot of yard to check.

 

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Adventures of Orthos

The other day my mom and dad had some friends over for a cookout, that is what they called it anyway.  Dad wheeled this big silver thing from the back patio to the front yard, because it is closer to the kitchen.  I love the kitchen, all the yummy stuff is kept there like all my Orthos treats.

grill

This is the big silver thing dad drug to the front yard.  It has a HUGE mouth on it!  Also, the thing crackles and sizzles, but doesn’t smell too bad.  OK so I was drooling.  Here’s the thing though … dad opened its mouth and there was this meat inside of it.  I ran around the yard looking for Buck.  The way I figure it is the meat had to come from somewhere, right?  After I found Buck, I counted all the kids and none were missing.  All the ducks were accounted for as well as mom.  If you notice, this thing has legs and wheels.  I’m guessing that big silver sucker can move pretty darn fast if it was hungry.  It is still in the front yard and near the door my parents take me outside to do my business.  They open the door and I stop to eyeball its closed mouth, it appears to be sleeping.  I just know that when it wakes back up, it’s going to be super hungry.  Granted I am a fierce, big but oh so handsome puppy boy, I am not about to be its next snack.  So, I creep around it.  Sniff the ground a few feet away, and nothing.  It just sits there.  That’s right, the thing is messing with my mind with its evil games.

This morning my dad took me out the front door and there was the silver thing, just standing there.  I should also tell you that about four feet away from it is our dog kennel.  Yeah, we have one of those fenced things too, thanks to BUCK!!!  All brawn and not a single pea sized spec of a brain I tell you.  So, out the door I went and backed myself up to the kennel, more to brace or fend off the silver thing should it attack.  I slinked along the fencing, sniffing the ground near its legs.  Had my butt up in the air and nose to the ground and then dad jumped to scare me.  I about jumped out of my fur coat!  Now I should tell you that since I am such a very handsome puppy boy, I am also very attached to my fur coat.  I almost knocked the entire kennel over and I took off across the yard, I just knew the silver thing was trying to eat me.  So if you drive by my house and see the silver thing smoking and my tail hanging out the side, please stop and help me cause my fur will singe right off.  You wouldn’t want me walking around smelling like BBQ sauce with singed hair would you?

Mr. Tom the firece hunter my tail!

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Everyday dose of Reality

I can’t believe the sun is out and it is warm, maybe I should call CNN.  Don’t get me wrong I am a Northern gal but come a certain time of year I do expect the snow to be gone.  Now, normally that would have been in the middle of last month, but it seems Mother Nature has a sense of humor this year.  She is just so darn funny that I woke up Saturday morning to fat snowflakes coming down and I don’t mean just a few.

Up here in Northern Minnesota fishing opener was this past Sunday.  I have no clue why they decided to make it on Mother’s Day, but they did.  Don’t get me wrong I love my kids as much as any mother can, but think about it for a second.  Mother’s Day is made to look as if the mum gets pampered and ravished by love from her kids.  Now, in a child’s mind it’s Mother’s Day, so you need to go to mum for every little need or desire the child wants.  Same as any other day, but this one is not the normal week day name 🙂

So … people come up here from all over the place to go fishing.  I guess the state motto, “Land of 10,000 Lakes” implies we also have a butt load of fish and the best angling.  At any rate, I ran the kids down to the little store down the road, and the parking lot resembled Walmart on Christmas eve.  Well, minus the snow and these guys were all in pick-ups dragging boats behind them.  The owner of the store and I had been placing bets over the past 2 weeks.  Let me make it clear, I’m not really a gambler and don’t want to get confused for my Great Grandma.  She was a Vegas/Laughlin staple as she schlepped from slot to slot in her velour joggin suit, green see through visor propped on her head and the trusty plastic margarine tub hanging from yarn around her neck.  Oh yeah, that’s how my Great Grandma rolled.  Fearless and she was packin heat in that margarine tub.  Nickles baby, all nickles!

The question about opener was, do people bring boats or ice augers?  In truth it was a valid question, especially with the knowledge that the ice just melted off the lakes TODAY.  I went with the option of: bring the boat with a plow blade welded on front, wear a life jacket and ice auger hanging off the edge of the boat.  Needless to say, all these fisher-people (yep being politically correct), came, they saw, and they cursed the ice-covered lakes.

A true fisher-person never gives up.

A true fisher-person never gives up.

Today the sun is out, all the way, no hiding behind clouds teasing you.  It is 82 at this moment and I bet this weekend the people pile on the lakes like bees on honey.

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Everyday dose of Reality

Somewhere there is a rainbow and I now have one in my house.

Bet you were thinking of the type with a pot of gold at the end.  How nice would that be :)

Bet you were thinking of the type with a pot of gold at the end. How nice would that be 🙂

Not as colorful as the ones in the sky, much more useful to me.  The other day I gave my tribe of shampoo machines and vacuums a rest.  For roughly 13 years Macgyver has been on me about getting a Rainbow and I finally gave in.  These suckers are pricey, which was also the main reason I have resisted for so long.  I don’t have a grand lying around to spend on a vacuum.  “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, but it’s not just a vacuum.  It has EVERYTHING you could ever need” he has continuously said.  I dug through Ebay for a while last week and tried really hard to find one for sale that had “everything” and wouldn’t cost us our first-born plus a goat, a gold-plated truck and a grand to boot.  This one in the picture above is what I came up with and it has “everything” as you can see.  Yep, it has more accessories than 2 Barbie’s with a full wardrobe plus her Malibu Mansion.  Might I add she is the only doll with her own mansion, how uppity is that?

The Rainbow came in the mail and Macygver was like a kid on Christmas morning.  As he pulled each piece out he was explaining to me what it was for and what I could do with them.  He explained that it is not just a vacuum(again, it has everything don’t you know).  No filters to replace because it dumps all the dirt and yuck into a water filled basin under the motor and releases no dust or junk in the air.  Once again I didn’t realize he was that concerned about the air quality in our home and would have thought if he was soooooooooooo concerned, he might spend some time to come up with some new fangled thing to stop the smelly toxic air that seeps from the HIS children’s behinds from time to time.

So it has a couple of miles of hose, enough power cord to circle the globe twice and a water line for shampooing that I figure I could reach Texas if I wanted to.  Once he unpacked the entire thing, he was off and running from room to room.  Sucking, blowing, shampooing and whistling a tune.  Here is what I have learned about owning a Rainbow vacuum for a week now: I have only been able to use it 1 time because he always has it.  I should pay better attention to what type of cooking pots & pans he has mentioned over the years to me.  If I can narrow the brand down, I may never have to cook again.  So in short it may not be the rainbow in the sky, BUTTTTTTTTTTTT there was a pot of gold at the end of the vacuum in the form of Macgyver doing all the vacuuming in the house now.  It’s a win win, right 🙂

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Everyday dose of Reality

You might think not a lot could go wrong when you have jumbo marshmallows, but you would be wrong.  See at our house some people might take the chance to issue a challenge.  Now, I won’t say who, but the rock was thrown.  It just happen to be also on a weekend that our 11 year old was having a slumber party.  Which means, EVERYONE got involved hahahaha

From front to back and holding up their number packed in their mouths, we have: Minnie (our 4 yr old), left is Breanna, Sierra (our 7yr old) and Ida.

From front to back and holding up their number packed in their mouths, we have: Minnie (our 4 yr old), left is Breanna, Sierra (our 7yr old) and Ida.

Olivia and the manchild (our 12 yr old son)

Olivia and the manchild (our 12 yr old son)

Left is Isabelle (our 11 yr old) and Breanna

Left is Isabelle (our 11 yr old) and Breanna

Here we have more of our pack of kids: the deranged Fairy left, manchild, Minnie & Sierra the drama queen

Here we have more of our pack of kids: the deranged Fairy left, manchild, Minnie & Sierra the drama queen

Comming in at 1st place is Macgyver with a total of 5 packed in his mouth. Proof that he has the biggest mouth in the house. OK, I had to take the pictures so I bowed out of the challenge :)

And in at 1st place is Macgyver with a total of 5 packed in his mouth. Proof that he has the biggest mouth in the house. OK, I had to take the pictures so I bowed out of the challenge 🙂

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